Authenticity: The New Currency of Thriving
And why desire is your fastest path to finding it
Have you got a friend where always seem to get their way, no matter what?
I was out to dinner with a friend last night - one of those people who’s set on eating only at places where the appetisers cost more than your weekly grocery bill.
She was determined we go to a posh restaurant. You know the kind: stylish lighting, tiny plates, delicious flavours… but you’d need about ten plates to feel full. And unless you’re built like a stick insect, you’re leaving hungry and broke.
Thing was, after walking around town helping her shop, I was ravenous - bordering on hangry. You know, that dangerous zone where you can’t trust yourself to make wise decisions. And whilst my stomach was screaming “yes,” my bank balance was firmly saying “don’t do it!”
But she kept insisting. And so did my bank balance.
Honestly? I wasn’t in the mood to pay for an experience that didn’t feel good to me. I like value. I don’t like feeling ripped off. And I also didn’t feel appropriately dressed for that kind of place. So I said no.
Once.
Then twice.
Then a third time - each one giving a slightly more firm reason than the last.
Still, she pushed. By the sixth time, I was thinking this has actually become a great challenge for me to learn from and my bank balance was rooting for me.
So I said what many of us might feel is a line crossed. It’s uncomfortable, but true.
“Because I can’t afford it!”
And there it was! Something she couldn’t argue with.
Now, a normal person would usually pause after the third no. But this tête-à-tête was fast becoming a battle of wills. Saying no doesn’t come easily to me - it’s something I’ve only recently learned I need to change. But this time, I had stepped into the ring and stood my ground. And it felt sooooo… liberating.
Clearly, I was now confronting the best! A woman who never takes no for an answer. I’ve seen her dating history!
Later, she told me she has a form of autism, and only ever eats at two restaurants—both, as it turns out, the most expensive places in town. I knew that wasn’t true as I had, in fact, been at another totally different restaurant previously with her, but I’ll save unpacking that little chestnut for another time.
But what struck me most wasn’t the power struggle but how it took a ‘reasonably acceptable’ excuse to actually be heard and accepted - one she couldn’t argue with. Of course, there was also the strange satisfaction of being true to myself - and my bank account. It felt so liberating that I didn’t betray myself to please someone else.
That’s authenticity.
And in a world full of subtle pressures, it’s more radical than it sounds.
Of course, what does this say about me? From being conditioned as a child to be ‘seen and not heard’ and spending my last 53 years as a chameleon, I am slowly but surely stepping out and challenging myself daily to finally be true to my own desires and allowing them to take flight.
More importantly, what does this say about authenticity and desire?
Finally authenticity is receiving some light now.
But it’s not just a catchy concept for the spiritually led self-helpers or passing trendy buzzword for the social sciences - it’s a documented cornerstone of well‑being, resilience, and connection.
Authenticity is becoming essential; scientifically, socially, physiologically.
Study after study confirms it now: people who live more authentically aren’t just happier - they’re healthier, more resilient, more fulfilled, and even more successful.
Authenticity has been shown to increase:
Life satisfaction
Emotional regulation
Relationship depth
Workplace performance
Long-term wellbeing
So it makes sense that in a world of increasing automation and artificiality, we’re craving something real.
Not filtered. Not scripted. Not perfectly branded.
Real.
But there’s one question I keep hearing from clients and readers alike:
“How do I actually become more authentic?”
It’s a valid question. And not always an easy one.
Because the path to authenticity doesn’t start with image.
It doesn’t start with self-expression.
It starts with something most people were trained to suppress.
It starts with desire.
The Real Root of Authenticity
To be authentic is to be true to yourself.
But how can you be true to yourself if…
You don’t know what you want?
You have suppressed what your heart is quietly aching for?
Usually because you’ve spent years prioritising others’ needs above your own?
Desire isn’t a distraction from authenticity - it’s the pathway to it.
Your desires are your own personal truth-tellers.
They reveal what lights you up, what feels good, what calls to you.
And just as importantly - they show you what no longer fits.
Authenticity isn’t built by following a script.
It’s built by following desire - and desire is your soul’s compass.
Why We Learned to Mistrust Desire
Desire, for many of us, was demonised.
We were told it was selfish. Indulgent. Ungrateful.
That to want more meant you didn’t appreciate what you already had.
That “good people” don’t chase what they want, they accept what they’re given.
So we adapted to these dictums. And we abandoned our desires in exchange for approval, safety, or a seat at the table.
But something always felt off, didn’t it?
You can only ignore your own truth for so long before it becomes anxiety, resentment, or a deep restlessness that no amount of external success can fix.
Desire Is the Beginning of Self-Return
Contrary to what you may have been taught, desire isn’t greedy.
Desire is honest.
It’s your inner intelligence saying, “There’s more here for you. Come feel this.”
It’s the spark that ignites purpose. The whisper that says, “What if this is possible?”
It’s the scratch that soothes the itch. The nudge that keeps you moving closer to your real life.
Desire doesn’t have to be dramatic or glamorous.
It could be a desire for more rest.
More truth.
More creativity.
More softness.
More you.
It could be a desire to stop hiding, hustling, or to stop saying ‘yes’ when you really want to say no.
These small but radical self-truths are what has build authenticity over a lifetime.
Why Authenticity Can’t Exist Without Desire
When you’re connected to your desire, you start living from the inside out.
When you’re disconnected from it, you live from the outside in.
You perform, please and perfect.
You say the “right” thing while privately wondering why it all feels so hollow.
But worst of all - you start to forget who you really are.
Desire reintroduces you to yourself.
Not the curated version.
The true one.
It takes courage and it also brings clarity.
Because once you start honouring your true desires, you stop needing to prove anything.
You simply become.
And that becoming? That’s what people feel when they say you’re magnetic. Your essentially just being authentic.
What I also find astounding is that, although this seems like good old common sense to me, many need the science to believe it. So here it is…
Proven Benefits of Authenticity
Greater Life Satisfaction & Less Distress
Longitudinal research shows that people with higher authenticity at Time 1 report increased life satisfaction and reduced psychological distress at Time 2 - but not vice versa healthypsych.com+4self.com+4verywellmind.com+4pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+7pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+7pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+7.Boosts Personal Power & Confidence
Lab studies across 700+ participants reveal that acting authentically - rather than faking it - enhances subjective feelings of power, leadership potential, and perceived competence pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.Strengthens Resilience in Crisis
Authenticity buffers stress and anxiety during collective trauma (e.g., hurricanes, pandemics). People who remain true to themselves experience quicker psychological recovery pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.Elevates Daily Well‑Being
College student diaries show days of higher authenticity correlate with more meaning and satisfaction, while inauthenticity predicts mental strain time.com+12pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+12pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+12.Improves Relationships & Reduces Social Pain
Showing up as your true self lowers rejection sensitivity. Higher alignment between online persona and true self links to lower stress and stronger connections .Enhances Workplace Engagement
A meta-analysis of 36,500 workers found authenticity at work strongly correlates with higher well‑being (r ≈ 0.40) and engagement (r ≈ 0.37) pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+4frontiersin.org+4forbes.com+4.Promotes Mindfulness & Growth
Authentic living fosters mindfulness - especially awareness and present‑moment action - which mediates increased happiness .
Final Thought
In the age of AI, automation, and constant comparison, authenticity is the new currency.
And if you want to tap into the real power of authenticity, you cannot bypass desire.
Desire is not a flaw to fix. It’s a frequency to follow.
It’s your fastest, most direct route back to the person you were always meant to be.
Because you don’t find your truth by playing small.
You find it by feeling deeply, wanting honestly, and living fully.
Start with what you long for and desire and allow it’s magnificent seed to nestle in and flourish within you.
Because that longing is where your real life begins.
In truth of becoming,
Melinda
Picture from Pexels by Suzy Hazelwood